Six Of One

Yesterday I went shopping with Mum. My intention was to buy jumpers. I get very cold, very easily, and as I have a body and arms longer than the average woman I always find it a chore buying jumpers that are long enough. The other day when I was in town, I saw some jumpers that looked long enough. So I went to that same shop yesterday and managed to find a grand total of 1, yes, 1 jumper that fit me. The fashion gods deem that tall people are not allowed to be warm during the winter months. Not that I'm fashionable in any way, but I want to look nice and not just mooch around in my extremely worn and stained UoE graduation hoodie all the time. I like a jumper to reach the end of my fingertips, not reach my elbow. I also like it to cover my waist and possibly even hips, not just barely graze my belly button. But I found 1, yes, 1 jumper that was long and warm and soft and nice and green. So I guess I can wear that a couple of times a week, and then look like a tramp (or get cold) for the rest of the week!

I also bought a pair of lady shoes. Yes, you read correctly. A pair of lady shoes, with a heel. When wearing them I am 6'1" which is not such a modest height but I am fed up with just wearing trainers all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love my trainers, but sometimes (as with the jumper) I want to look nice. I am nearly 26. I am a woman. I really should look like a woman rather than a 16 year old. I have been practicing walking in them but it is very difficult. I haven't worn high heel shoes, well, ever really. I own a few pairs but have never worn them properly. I have nearly fallen down the stairs a couple of times, but I do that if I'm wearing shoes or not.

Had some good news today. Well some good post. Got a cheque for £20 from the school with a note saying that they owed me. I didn't expect it, so it was a pleasant surprise.

Today went down the toilet really. I intended to get up early, totally tidy my room, finish a painting and bake some cakes. I half tidied my room, got angry with it, had a bath, got in a strop about my room, played some games on my computer and threw a lot of stuff out my bedroom door. Yes, I am nearly 26. It drives me crazy. I have so much junk, but keepable junk. I don't want to throw away anything. I'm not holding on to it for sentimental reasons or even because I like it/need it/use it. I hold on to it for the sake of it. I become attached to things too easily. I will never throw away my books or CDs; they are my children. But I have tons of scrap paper that I shove further under my bed, and little toy type things, and postcards, and pens, and too much of everything that I don't need, and not enough of what I do need (and that is space!). It's a good job that I don't have a job at the moment. Hopefully that will stop me buying things.

And it's Saturday night, and I'm at home. I love it in this town. I have no friends and no social life. I am not asking for pity or sympathy. I am just saying how horrible it is. Even if I was at home on a Saturday night at uni, I knew that I would be going out on Sunday or Monday night, or just doing something with someone. But here, here I have my own company all the time. The next time I can go out is in 5 weeks. I have to sit in my room every Friday and Saturday night for the next 5 weeks. Great huh?! It's not that I love going out, but I like to have the choice, so that if I ever want to do it I can. I can just call someone and see if they want to go out for a few drinks. And as I type this, I can see 2 bottles of vodka out of the corner of my eye that I don't want to drink because drinking alone, in my room, on a Saturday night is a bit pathetic. I guess that I am a bit pathetic.